Pants

I've been struggling to find clothes.  It's hard finding something affordable when you have a growing daughter...and husband (his gut, lol.) Anyway, I finally ordered 3 pairs of pants for myself and I'm pretty excited about it.  They are just kinda workout type pants but they'll be comfy.  I'm gonna just go for a relaxed & lazy look.  There's no point in dressing up all cute like just to have my daughter's diaper leak on me or to sit in chocolate or have boogers wiped on me, lol.  Right now my best pair of pants has a small hole, the size of a pin head in them.  That's the only pair I really go out into public wearing.  It's gotten pretty bad.  I keep getting clothes for them two and by the time I go to shop for myself the money's gone.  I'm pretty happy to be getting some new pants though.  I'm also hoping to get some new shoes with income tax.  I want to look nice and cute but we just can't afford it and since he's got his part time job and since she's a growing kid they just come first. I wish I could rush out and buy myself clothes and just say fuck it, but I can't allow myself to do that.  People tell me I need to focus on myself but how can I when I have a family that needs things as well?  If I'm naked and can't afford clothes it's alright as long as they are taken care of.

Heh, I almost posted this as a facebook status but I'm far too afraid of people knowing how bad off we are.  I know no one reads this and it's a great place to vent.

It's been a few months...

I think this blog is more for me to have a place to vent than anything else.  I created a new blog but that's specifically for my writing and poetry.  This is my new blog for writing: http://poeticdragonfire.wordpress.com/

I'm normally down and depressed because the lack of real friends in my life.  Lately I've been in a great mood.  I've replaced the floor in our bathroom all on my own.  It's been a while since I had this feeling of extreme pride.  I'm very happy with myself.

I've been thinking a lot about the future.  I'm trying to get approved for disability for my disorders. (Bipolar, Social Anxiety, General Anxiety and Agoraphobia..."  I'm hoping I can get approved.  If we can get back on our feet and be able to support ourselves alright I'd like to add another member to the family.  The place we are buying is only a 2 bedroom, though.  It was meant to be a 3 bedroom but we didn't find out they lied until we moved out here.  I'm thinking that if we have a child, though.... for the first year it can sleep in a crib in our room.  Maybe if it's a second girl they can share a room.  

My birth control stops being effective in 2 years.  I think that when it runs out I might just see what happens.  If things are super rough, though.... I might get another IUD.

Anyway...

I'm pretty stoked my house is being repaired.  I'm even more excited that I'm the one doing the work!